How safe are your children from neutrinos?

New findings from the Hadron Collider have suggested a worrying new trend in subatomic particles permeating our food supply. Recent research has confirmed that a special kind of particle known as the ‘neutrino’ can find its way through even the most clingwrapped sandwich, which means your child could be consuming in excess of twelve neutrinos a day.

Should you be worried? Probably not according to Doctor Johnson of the Max-Planck Institute in Germany, who claims that neutrinos are completely harmless, even in large doses. “I don’t know why you’re asking me, but no they won’t hurt you if they’re in your sandwich,” said Doctor Johnson when contacted for this article. “But that being said I’m a doctor of sports science, shouldn’t you be talking to an astrophysicist or something?”

Dr Johnson’s certainty despite his complete lack of qualification is just the latest example of a worrying trend of scientists and researchers thinking they are experts on a topic and we suggest readers take his comments with a grain of salt. However, be sure to make sure the salt you are buying is neutrino free, just to be on the safe side.

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