As the threat of a deadly pandemic looms over Sydney, many residents have had to cancel their plans for Christmas this year. These cancellations have lead to disappointment in some households who will be missing out on some long upheld traditions. One tradition in particular that many will have to forgo this year is sitting awkwardly while your racist uncle rambles on about what he thinks about things like diversity and ‘the things the lying mainstream media won’t tell you about’ citing information they gathered from mainstream media outlets like Sky News, the Australian and the opinions section of the Sydney Morning Herald.
“It’s a real shame I won’t be able to have one of those ‘important’ chats this year,” said Hayley from Sydney Uni, “I don’t know how I will get in the holiday spirit without hearing what he thinks isn’t racist. Here I was thinking I was going to have a long fun chat about how I am queer but the way he uses it is still wrong because he means it as a derogatory thing, but sadly this year I will have to find another way to have a jolly time. I mean how am I meant to relax this year without sitting awkwardly hearing him quote Alan Jones and trying to decide whether I should try shut him up because I know if I do, I am the one who ruined the day somehow. Because apparently ‘family’ means if you stand up to their discrimination, you are the one making a scene and not the racist homophobe. Damn fucking shame I wont be having that this year.”
We reached a representative of the horrible uncle community in order to get a more ‘balanced’ opinion on whether discrimination is actually a big issue or not, or whether we have gone too far the other way and all the experts are just liars.
“Without being able to see my extended family how am I supposed to tell them about the lying mainstream media once I have a few beers in me. This year there is so much I wanted to talk about with them about. Look this whole virus thing is a Marxist Chinese hoax orchestrated by that communist Bill Gates and his 5g towers, perpetuated by Dictator Dan and African Gangs, in order to steal the US election and try win the war on Christmas. Also these days you can’t say anything without being labelled a racist, xenophobe, misogynist, homophobe, transphobe, ablest, or whatever new fangled anti-straight white man propaganda the virtue signallers are pushing. I mean you can’t even say that ******* are ruining this country, without someone taking offence.”
“I mean how am I meant to celebrate the birth of Jesus from Nazareth without telling my family about how suspicious I am of poor migrants from the middle east wanting to find a land for a better life. I guess I will just have to stick to Facebook this year.”