‘Fuck, why didn’t I think to just buy a house!’ exclaims guy who can’t afford rent

Local renter Darren Datsun has celebrated saving thousands of dollars this week, after following the Prime Minister’s genius advice to just buy a house if you can’t afford rent. “My whole financial outlook has changed!” exclaimed Darren. “Here I was thinking that property costs millions of dollars and is completely unobtainable to the average person, but clearly I must be wrong because otherwise that would mean the Prime Minister is completely financially illiterate, and that can’t be right!”

“Its also made it so much easier to live a lavish life,” continued Darren. “Now instead of buying expensive groceries, I’ve just bought the whole supermarket, instead of buying petrol I’ve just invested in a small oil refinery, and instead of waiting for the housing market to be fixed, I’ve just bought off the government to bring in the policies I want. That last one was worryingly easy.”

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However, not everyone is convinced with the Prime Minister’s logic, pointing out that if you can’t afford rent, you’re probably going to struggle to get a home loan. “Yea, no,” said one banker when approached by a renter about getting a loan. “I simply cannot see how someone paying $2000 a week in rent could possibly afford a $2000 a week loan repayment. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to defrauding grandmas.”

The Chaser