Former ‘future PM’ hopeful Josh Frydenberg has reassured voters in his electorate today, explaining that he reckons he has the numbers to win his seat by roughly 60 billion votes.

“You can’t afford to lose me,” claimed the guy whose million dollar Covid tracking app still hasn’t found a single case, “we need a government who knows their numbers.”

“Only by electing me are you guaranteed to stop unemployment in Kooyong going up by one person. Voting for me will stop that from happening.”

“You can’t trust Labor or the fake independents with the economy,” he continued, “they couldn’t even tell you how much it costs to build a carpark. Well I know the figure, it’s about half of whatever we ended up spending.”