Prime Minister Scott Morrison today has been sighted franticly deleting old tweets, in an attempt to cover-up a year’s worth of bragging about New South Wales’s ‘gold standard’ response to the coronavirus.
“This is a serious problem and must be dealt with accordingly,” said the PM while looking at his phone during the national cabinet meeting, “my flappy bird only has three lives left. We’ll have to be ultra cautious from here.”
“I have always said we have a plan and we do have a plan,” said the man who clearly has done fuck all planning, “the plan is simple but also complicated. It is a very real and strong plan, very standard. We will not mess up our plan like Britain did, I mean they seem to be too distracted with affairs and workplace sexual harassment to be trusted to run their country. Wait no, scratch that.”
“It is official that as of today we will be doing an immediate rollout of the plan which will see roughly some percentage of my tweets and statements from the last year removed from existence so we can reach herd immunity to any evidence that I did more work in Hawaii than in the last year.”
“In any case I’ve done a great job, and I think we can all agree the only reason New South Wales went into lockdown is because lazy Dan Andrews was on holidays for a ‘broken back”. What a lazy bastard. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a pub in England and some ancestors graves to visit.”