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Iraq launches invasion to bring democracy to America
Prepare for impending liberty
American supreme court rules that life begins at conception, ends in climate apocalypse
Nation braces for monthly 1 in 1000 year disaster
New episodes of Stranger Things to depict futuristic America of the 1980s
Trump apologises for grabbing security guard’s neck, stating he had mistaken it for a woman’s genitals
Tupperware somehow even wetter after 8 hours in drying up rack
Chaser Report Live with Chris Taylor, Floyd Alexander-Hunt, Dom Knight and Charles Firth
Harvey Norman declares bankruptcy after going whole month without government handout
Local News
Marauding Mongols slowed by complex visa requirements
IKEA Introduce New Sofabed That Is Unusable as Both Bed And Sofa
McDonald’s worker tries to “gangsta up” his uniform
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World News
Boris Johnson says he’ll bring the booze after being told there’ll be a party room meeting
Australia and China restore relationship, bonding over shared hatred of Scott Morrison
“At least things can’t get any worse” says naive man unaware of imminent zombie apocalypse
Good Year sued for false advertising
Morrison offers to lend his power drill after hearing Putin’s planning a coop
Thousands of naughty kids injured after Santa replaces coal with wind turbines
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Politics
Governor General weirdly slips in plug for Bet365 during official speech
Liberal Party calls crisis meeting after census reveals 1 in 2 Australians is female
Inquiry into Barilaro’s New York posting to be conducted by John Barilaro
REVEALED: Itemised costings for installing flag on Sydney Harbour Bridge
Man who wants government out of his life accidentally makes government bigger part of his life
Perrottet confirms $25 million flag contract awarded to John Barilaro Flags Pty Ltd
Real Estate
Minister who forgot about buying house luckily still remembered to negatively gear it
Sultan of Brunei flaunts wealth by purchasing room in decrepit Sydney sharehouse
UN called in to resolve washing-up stalemate
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Comment Is Cheap
There's no such thing as an ethical guacamole dip for your election night party
Guardian Staff Writer
There is only one real choice in this election, Tony Abbott
Andrew Bolt
Hey Ho! This half-baked election really takes the cake!
Annabel Crabb!
The Chaser