Vice-president and devout Christian minus the whole ‘love thy neighbour’ nonsense, Mike Pence has today spoken out today calling for Donald Trump to be impeached after footage emerged of the president saying he wanted to kiss all the guys in the crowd at a recent rally.
“This kind of behaviour during a public outbreak of disease is unacceptable,” explained Pence. “It is disgusting to see a President so shamelessly offer to spread something as dangerous as ‘homosexuality’. I was shocked, shocked when I heard this, though admittedly it does explain his lack of chemistry between with his wife.”
“As a devout Christian I cannot stand by a president who would consensually kiss other men,” Pence continued. “I preferred him back when he was cheating on his wife with a porn star and bragging about grabbing women by the pussy.”
“This is a matter of religious freedom to restrict other people’s freedoms. As a single middle-aged man who travelled around with 12 sailors preaching about accepting others for who they are, I believe Jesus would be all for punishing people for being attracted to the same gender. Those people are all sick, twisted perverts. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go make love to my wife who I call ‘mother’.”